A little warning in advance: This is going to be long. But I encourage you to read it all.
So, I went to LDS.org and searched "modesty" to see what little treasures I might be able to dig up. And what else would pop up but none other than "The Orange Shirt". I've read a couple of blog posts criticizing this article from the May 2013 Friend magazine (a children's magazine published by the church) ("Children Can't Dress Immodestly", "The Friend and The Orange Tank Top: The difference between shaming and the spirit"), and I agree with both of them whole-heartedly.
So, long story short: Stacey gets to go shopping with her friend Amanda and Amanda's stylish older sister, Lexie. Lexie points out a cute orange shirt that Stacey might look good in, only there's only one problem in Stacey's mind: *gasp!* There's no sleeves. It's a tank top. Lexie tells her it's not such a big deal, that modesty only applies with you're older, and Stacey reasons with herself that it's not that immodest, and the only few modest shirts weren't very cute. But wait: Stacey began to feel uncomfortable. Of course! *smacks head with palm* It's the Holy Ghost telling her not to wear the shirt! "She knew what she was about to do wasn’t right and that the Holy Ghost was warning her not to do it." She wanted to be as cool as Lexie, but she knew she had to make a hard decision and take the higher road. After she tells her two companions that she doesn't want to wear that orange shirt, they go off on their happy way to find another modest shirt for Stacey to wear. The End.
There's also a quote on the bottom from the For the Strength of Youth booklet that says: “When you dress immodestly, you send a message that is contrary to your identity as a son or daughter of God. You also send the message that you are using your body to get attention and approval.”
'Kay. Problemo numero uno: The church's concept about clothes without sleeves is in actuality sending a message that sexualizes even more of a
Because we cover our shoulders, it is assumed that there is something sexual about them.*pauses to lift sleeve and inspect right shoulder* Hm, it looks the same as the rest of my arm, except for the fact that it's considerably paler because of the beginnings of a great Farmer's Tan from being covered up. I'm not seeing anything considerably sexual about a skin-covered ball-and-socket joint, or the connecting points between my clavicle, scapula, and humerus.
Some may argue and say it's the idea that counts. Obviously the more skin you show, the more sexual you can seem (try comparing a nun and a 20 year-old blonde in a bikini). But for heaven's sake, it's your shoulders! Give me a break. Please tell me we are not sexualizing a young girl's shoulders. If you are attracted that way to a child's shoulders, that's sick. Is this the Church's reasoning? To protect girls everywhere from unwanted sexual attention by covering their shoulders? I hope I'm not the only one seeing something wrong with this. As for everyone else who isn't a child, I'm pretty sure that if you're going to be sexually assaulted, it doesn't matter if your shoulders are covered up or not. And I'm pretty sure that if you're planning on having sex, the sleeve on your shirt or lack thereof isn't going to change or make up your mind either way. Again, my personal opinion is that because the Church wants us to cover our shoulders, they're being sexualized. The same goes for showing a couple more inches of your thighs, etc.
Problem number two: Let's start with the quote from FTSOY that was at the bottom of the story. "When you dress immodestly, you send a message that is contrary to your identity as a son or daughter of God. You also send the message that you are using your body to get attention and approval.”
No no no no NO NO NO!
This can further the modesty guilt complex of a child or teenager. You notice in so many of these stories and experiences that the character is described as "feeling bad" or "feeling uncomfortable" or "wrong" or "not making the right decision" when trying on or considering wearing an "immodest" piece of clothing, like a bikini or sleeveless shirt. THEY ARE MADE TO FEEL GUILTY OR SHAMEFUL. They have been taught all of their lives that wearing clothes like that is wrong, and when they want to wear something cute that doesn't have sleeves or if it's 110 degrees outside and they want to wear a tank top, they feel shame.
So because you're not wearing sleeves, you're sending "the message that you are using your body to get attention and approval"? You're being "contrary to your identity as a son or daughter of God"?
No no no no NO NO NO!
You are a beloved son or daughter of God, no matter what you wear. God does not love you less because of your clothing choices, and if you're wearing a shirt with no sleeves, you can still "be an example of the believers" (1 Tim. 4:12) and serve others.
I was listening to a TED Talk by Brené Brown ("Brené Brown: Listening to shame"), and she described the difference between shame and guilt:
"The thing to understand about shame is that it’s not guilt.
Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is I am bad,
guilt it I did something bad."
Bingo. I may be making an assumption here, but most girls (myself included) who have worn something contrary to the Church's modesty probably feel shame. "I am bad because I am doing something that's against everything I have been taught. My parents are disappointed. I am bad because I am the cause of this disappointment." That's, at least, how it was for me. I'm going to bring my feelings into this, and tell you that the first time I wore something considered "immodest", I was hmm, about 8 or 9. My grandparents came into town from Utah, and whenever they came up they always took my brother and I shopping. This time, we went to Toys R Us. After getting a couple Barbies and Bratz dolls and other stuff my 8-or-9 year-old self wanted, I noticed. a light lavender OshKosh shirt. It was sleeveless. But it was soft and comfortable, and I wanted to see what a sleeveless shirt would feel like. In my 8/9 year-old mentality that had been taught since toddler-age that wearing sleeveless shirts was bad, I knew it was wrong. But I got it anyways.
I really must give my grandmother credit before I continue this story any more. She did not say ANYTHING to me about the shirt except that it was a pretty color and to make sure that I really wanted to get it, which she had done to every other item that I picked out. She already knew that I had been taught the modesty standards, and left me to make my own decision. I love my grandma so much. My Grandma Olson is one of the most wonderful, amazing women I have ever met. I look up to her very much. She did not try to convince me to get it, nor did she spout something from the Friend or FTSOY or Primary manual. She did not judge me for my decision. So, we went on our merry way.
Now when I got home, that was a different story. Everyone was hanging out and I was showing my mom everything that I had gotten. When I pulled out that purple shirt, she became quiet and I could feel the disapproval that I have come to recognize all my life. That silent, silent disapproval that hurts no matter how old I am. I wore that shirt later that day, when we were having my little brother's birthday party. Sometime that evening she pulled me aside and told me that it was immodest and that I shouldn't be wearing. I felt horrible knowing that my own mother seemed to be judging me for my clothing choices. But still, I tried to sweep away the shame, and braved it up to keep wearing the shirt the rest of the night.
I only wore that shirt once more after that. Not because of the guilt and shame that came up because of it, but because it mysteriously disappeared. Obviously no one would break into a house and steal a shirt of a child, and my brother or dad certainly wouldn't steal it. To this day I still believe I know who took it (can you guess?) and why. And it still hurts.
I am sure that I was not the only child that experienced this. In fact, I bet it happens almost every day. And that's the sad part. You don't need to inflict shame and guilt on a child because they are wearing an "immodest" article of clothing. Children are innocent; they only wear a shirt or dress because they like it, it has flowers/butterflies/their favorite color/puppy dogs/take your pick on it, not because they are trying to be sexual by "showing their shoulders".
Children and teenagers do not need this kind of guilt/shame over lack of a couple of sleeves on a shirt. They do not need to feel as if any part of their body is bad, and they don't need their self-worth or companionship of the Holy Ghost tied into whether their shirt has sleeves on it or not. They do not need to feel as if they are being judged by their family, community, or church members because of it. They need to feel comfortable and be happy with their clothing choices and wear sleeves because they want to, not because they feel they have to.
Children and teenagers do not need this kind of guilt/shame over lack of a couple of sleeves on a shirt. They do not need to feel as if any part of their body is bad, and they don't need their self-worth or companionship of the Holy Ghost tied into whether their shirt has sleeves on it or not. They do not need to feel as if they are being judged by their family, community, or church members because of it. They need to feel comfortable and be happy with their clothing choices and wear sleeves because they want to, not because they feel they have to.
-Kelsey
I totally agree.
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