Faces of Courage: Girls of the LDS Church and Malala Yousafzai

Sorry, it's been so busy lately with school and such that I haven't posted foreeeeever. But the upside is, I still have a 4.0 for this year (which is a miracle, even though school's only been on for a month and a half). But I've definitely been hanging around the Feminist Mormon Housewife's website lately because of *drumroll please* General Conference and the OW Movement, and I've been pretty active in the comments section...

Anyways. I think that some of the talks so far are so good that there's good possibility that there will be some posts from here about them, like President Uchtdorf's talk in the first session, and Elder Holland's talk in the second session. But a few of the talks made... a few emotions flare, not only from me but countless others as well. Elder Christofferson's talk irked a few people, but then today Elder Oak's talk just about did a bunch of people in. Including me. **Note: I haven't exactly been paying the closest attention to conference this year, but it's been on in the background and I'm catching all of the highlights from fMh's live blogging and re-caps.

Here's "Thunderchicken's" recap of Elder Oak's talk: [my emphasis added]

• Elder Oaks speaking: Loves to hear his brother and sisters speak (thanks). Ten commandments important for Christians and Jews. First commandment deals with what our priorities should be – no graven images and no idols and all. Jealous means “sensitive/deep feelings” – so we offend God when we have priorities above God ie. career aspirations, political correctness, material possessions, power, prestige, and some I missed.
• What is our ultimate priority? Are we focused on following the Savior? For Mormons commandments are inseparable from Plan of Salvation. If we do not establish our priorities in accordance with that plan, we’re in danger of serving other Gods. We’re a family centered Church. Our theology begins with Heavenly PARENTS. A man and woman necessary for fulfillment of plan.
• We grieve at declining birth rates in Christian/Jewish countries. US has low birth rate/decline in birth rates. Median age for marriage is now at highest in history (26 years for women). Traditional family is coming to be the exception rather than rule. Pursuit of career instead of family is increasing goal, and necessity of fathers is diminishing. Concerning trends. Plan of Salvation for ALL children.
• We still respect all those who do not believe as we do, or don’t believe at all. All sexual relations are sinful to one degree or another outside of a married relationship between a man and woman. Many Churches agree with us on the importance of the sacredness of marriage. Concerned with all the many children born outside of marriage, and couples who lives together unmarried. Now cohabitation exceeds 60 percent of marriages. 50 percent of teenagers thought that out-of-wedlock children are a worthy life style.
• We cannot justify laws or condone laws that support stuff like gay marriage (sorry, totally paraphrasing – kids climbing over me).  Laws legalizing same-gender marriage to not change God’s laws. We remain under covenant to obey God’s commandments, and not serve other Gods, even if they become popular in our time. We may be accused of bigotry or suffer discrimination. If so, we need to remember our first priority to serve God. (DOES THIS TALK NOT END????)
• A moral coward is one who is afraid to stand up for something because of what others will think (or something like that????). We must not set our hearts on the things of the world/honors of men that we forget our destiny. We have a responsibility to never deviate from our desire to achieve eternal life, to have no other God and serve no other priorities before God.

Okay, so one thing I heard that Thunderchicken didn't really dwell on is how apparently the average age for marriage in women is 26, or 26 and a half or something like that, and the average age for marriage in men is 29 or something like that. When Elder Oaks said that, my parents gasped and went something along the lines of "Wow!" and "Oh man!" with disapproval in their voices. They thought that was a pretty big deal. Me? Not so much. But that's where the generation and age difference comes in.

My parents probably wouldn't appreciate me putting this here, but my mom is 53 years old and my dad just turned 61. Back when they were raised, the 1950s, 60s, and 70s, women and girls didn't really have much of a choice with their life besides getting married, having kids, and staying at home to take care of them. You remember the image of the typical 1950s housewife?

That's what they (especially my dad) was raised with. Plus, add on the fact that my paternal grandparents never graduated from high school and got married at sixteen... That's why those statistics were so shocking to them. While they were busy hemming and hawing about it, I didn't see anything wrong with those numbers. In fact, I would be perfectly fine getting married at 26.

Then Elder Oaks started going on about not delaying having children because of college or career goals. Wait a second... funny thing, I think that being pregnant and having children affects the wife more than the husband in that department. And it's difficult to go to college with a baby or little children on hand. So this is probably why traditionally the breadwinning is up to the husband. Which leads me to the fact that I believe we're cheating children out of their dreams.

Kids get asked all the time what they want to be when they grow up. A doctor, a firefighter, a policeman, a nurse, an engineer, a scientist, a builder. We smile and nod as they say it, whether it
be a male child or a female child. But little do they know that sometimes it's not that simple. Girls and boys know how to answer the question what they want to be when they grow up, but as girls get older they get bombarded with the expectations that they are going to get married. And have kids. And be the perfect stay at home wife and mother. Then the boys, they have hardly any restrictions when it comes to the career department. Get married, make sure that you have children, be a worthy Priesthood holder, and go to work and make a living. So why do we implant these false hopes and dreams in little girls when we ask them what the want to be when they grow up? Because we all know that they can go to college and get a degree and a good job, but that's not hardly expected of them. My mom didn't even go to college, and only had to get some kind of higher education when she had to become a CNA after her divorce to her first husband. She never even had to worry about going to college when she was married. And now she spends her days "busy" being the YW prez and cooking and cleaning and crocheting and running errands. This may be perfectly fine with some people, but not for me. I don't want to be that kind of wife. I want to get out and have a job, not just sit around the house all day. It may seem like freedom, but in the long run it may seem like a weight tied to your ankle.

Which brings me to a reply to one of my comments on the fMh live-blogging post of Sunday morning General Conference.

This is what I'm talking about. It's not like we're completely banned from getting an education and going to college, but obviously if we're going to stay at home and have kids (unless we get divorced or widowed) what's the point in going more in depth when it comes to schooling and education?

Elder Oaks is a great guy, and an amazing apostle. He really is. But he doesn't know me personally, or know my plans or dreams, or know my situation. The only thing he knows about me is that I am of the female gender. The reality is, not all women end up getting married. Not all women can have children. Everyone's situation is different. So please, General Authorities of the LDS church, please stop emphasizing the need to get married earlier, not delay in having children, and how women should stay at home to raise their children.

"Adam fell that men might be; and men are that they might have joy." If we are to have joy in our lives, then we need to stop doing things just to please other people or be "in the norm", or rise up to the expectations of others. We need to do what we feel is best for us individually, not what is expected of you because you are a female. I don't want to make the mistake of doing something that I felt pressured into that will eventually make me feel like I'm dying inside. I want to be happy, and if I follow the commandments and live my life the way *I* plan it to be, I will be happy.

And here's to Malala, who is trying to make education available to girls everywhere no matter what. She is an inspiration to me, and I think that if a girl who was shot in the head by the Taliban for going to school can make such an impact on the world and keep going, I can go to college and have a career and make all the life decisions that I want even with resistance and cultural restrictions.

 This morning I cut out the cover and article on Malala and put it on my wall. Only after I taped it up there, I noticed that I put it under this quote, one of the many I have on the walls of my room. Coincidence? I think not.

Women of The Past, Our Heavenly Mother, and Their Examples Today

**If you want to read one of my faaaaavorite posts, "Cognitive Dissonance, Part I (and Les Misérables!)"
and haven't yet, here's the link! :)

So lately I've been wondering about the teachings of the early days of the church, and some of the more prominent female figures from then. I've always been hearing the rumor that women back in the early days of the church had the authority for the laying on of hands, Eliza R. Snow was a feminist, our Heavenly Mother is a taboo topic. Then comes the thought flashing in my head: Research Time!

I have always loved the example of Eliza R. Snow. That amazing lady has always been portrayed to me as a strong, opinionated, "I am not going to take any crap from anybody" kind of person. Plus, she's the author of the classic Mormon hymn, page 292, "O My Father". She was the second General Relief Society President until her death in 1887¹. She was a prominent poet, and touched many with her written works.

She was one of the first to imply that we have a Heavenly Mother, in the above-mentioned "O My Father":

I had learned to call thee Father, Through thy Spirit from on high,

But until the key of knowledge Was restored, I knew not why.

In the heavens are parents single? No, the thought makes reason stare!

Truth is reason, truth eternal Tells me I've a mother there.

When I leave this frail existence, When I lay this mortal by, 

Father, Mother, may I meet you, In your royal courts on high?

Then, at length, when I've completed All you sent me forth to do,

With your mutual approbation, Let me come and dwell with you.

 Ever since I was a child I've paid attention to that one line... "Truth is reason, truth eternal/Tells me I've a mother there."

I've always been fascinated with the mysterious Heavenly Mother. But what has recently got me is the part about truth. Truth is mentioned twice, and in direct relation to the existence of our dear loving Mother.

If truth is reason and if truth is eternal, why is it that the doctrine of our Heavenly Mother considered taboo, or frowned upon because of cultural perception?

 The church is mostly silent on the topic. Official mention of our Heavenly Mother from the church is constricted to just a statement on evolution in 1909: "All men and women are in the similitude of the universal Father and Mother and are literally the sons and daughters of Deity"² and, more recently, The Family: A Proclamation to the World where a another statement infers the existence of a Heavenly Mother: "Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents..."³

I found a fun little tidbit from Orson Pratt, an early LDS apostle, that, truthfully, makes me a little upset. In his book The Seer (c. 1853). He has a paragraph that mentions our Heavenly Mother:

"As God the Father begat the fleshly body of Jesus, so He, before the world began, begat his spirit. As the body required an earthly Mother, so his spirit required a heavenly Mother. As God associated in the capacity of a husband with the earthly mother, so likewise he associated in the same capacity with the heavenly one; earthly things being in the likeness of heavenly things [...] But if we have a heavenly Mother as well as a heavenly Father, is it not right that we should worship the Mother of our spirits, as well as the Father? No; for the Father of our spirits is at the head of His household, and His wives and children are required to yield the most perfect obedience to their great Head. It is lawful for the children to worship the King of heaven, but not the "Queen of heaven." The children of Israel were severely reproved for making offerings to the "Queen of heaven." Although she is highly exalted and honored as the beloved bride of the great King, yet the children, so far as we are informed, have never been commanded to pray to her or worship her."⁴

I'm not sure where to start off on this, but here we go. I want to know where it is mentioned in the Bible of the Israelites worshiping the "Queen of heaven".Okay, found it. Jeremiah 7:18-19 and Jeremiah 44:17-20

 18 The children gather wood, and the fathers kindle the fire, and the women knead their dough, to make cakes to ^athe queen of heaven, and to pour out drink offerings unto other gods, that they may provoke me to anger.

 19 Do they provoke me to anger? saith the Lord: do they not provoke themselves ^ato the confusion of their own faces?

and

17 But we will certainly do whatsoever thing goeth forth out of our ^aown mouth, to burn incense unto ^bthe queen of heaven, and to pour out drink offerings unto her, as we have done, we, and our fathers, our kings, and our princes, in the cities of Judah, and in the streets of Jerusalem: for then had we plenty of ^cvictuals, and were well, and saw no evil.

 18 But since we left off to burn incense to the queen of heaven, and to pour out drink offerings unto her, we have ^awanted all things, and have been consumed by the sword and by the famine.

 19 And when we burned incense to the queen of heaven, and poured out drink offerings unto her, did we make her cakes to worship her, and pour out drink offerings unto her, without our men?

The funny thing is, when I click on the footnote where it says "the queen of heaven", it is supposedly referring to the fertility goddess, such as the Babylonian Ishtar.

I believe there is a difference between worshiping a false, polytheistic God than our Heavenly Mother.... 

My next problem: "[...] the Father of our spirits is at the head of His household, and His wives and children are required to yield the most perfect obedience to their great Head."

 I feel as if I'm kind of getting into a delicate situation here. I absolutely am not implying that we should not have obedience toward God, but the way Mr. Pratt says makes it seem as if She is considered less than equal to our Heavenly Father.

Let's quote The Family: A Proclamation to the World again. "[...] fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." I have heard countless times from the General Authorities that men and women are equal "but different". This is a tricky spot. Theoretically, do God and our Heavenly Mother "help one another as equal partners"?

In all actuality, my opinion doesn't really matter, because dear ole' Orson's "doctrinal declarations" were condemned by the church. "The Seer [and other writings by Pratt] contain doctrines which we cannot sanction, and which we have felt impressed to disown, so that the Saints who now live, and who may live hereafter, may not be misled by our silence, or be left to misinterpret it. Where these objectionable works, or parts of works, are bound in volumes, or otherwise, they should be cut out and destroyed." Ouch.

You may think that this was off-topic, but if just one man had a mindset like this, surely there were many more who did also? I realize that there are some major differences in the church now from the church in the mid-1800s (for example, polygamy), but the attitude for some things hasn't seemed to change much.

So, pray tell, why is the church silent? There's always been the controversy of the fact that she is considered so sacred that we shouldn't talk about her, because we don't want to disrespect her. I personally don't think that's a very good reason. Okay, that came out wrong. I appreciate the fact that we don't want to disrespect our loving Heavenly Mother, but we know about and talk about the most powerful, almighty being in the known universe. Sadly, He is disrespected all the time, at any given second of the day. But that doesn't prevent us from talking about Him and learning spiritually from the scriptures concerning him.

So, I have a coupla' theories.

1) The LDS church has established that our church already has some pretty different views about God and the Godhead than your common neighborhood Christian church down the street. Maybe the formal establishment of our Heavenly Mother would make the LDS church seem to lean to more polytheistic views? Maybe it's better to lay low and be neutral than advertise such beliefs to the world?

2) Some of the sisters "back in the day" were what could definitely be considered feminists. Besides Eliza R. Snow, Emmeline B. Wells, and Bathsheba W. Smith probably could be considered "Mormon Feminists" of their time, and they had some strong beliefs. Does the church think that by indoctrinating our Heavenly Mother's existence, that would maybe rile up more of the women and encourage them with their "unrealistic" views on Mormon feminism, priesthood, and equality? (Have a look at a recent talk by M. Russel Ballard, "Let Us Think Straight" from BYU Education Week. I'm definitely going to write something about that later.)

When it comes to feminine equality, I think that Brigham Young, second president of the church, was ahead of his time. He once said (emphasis added):

"As I have often told my sisters in the Female Relief Societies, we have sisters here who, if they had the privilege of studying, would make just as good mathematicians or accountants as any man; and we think they ought to have the privilege to study these branches of knowledge that they may develop the powers with which they are endowed. We believe that women are useful not only to sweep houses, wash dishes, make beds, and raise babies, but that they should stand behind the counter, study law or physic [medicine], or become good book-keepers and be able to do the business in any counting house, and this to enlarge their sphere of usefulness for the benefit of society at large."⁵

Also, quoting from Wikipedia: The Woman's Exponent publication (the R.S. official newspaper) published a 1920 editorial in favor of "Equal rights before the law, equal pay for equal work, equal political rights", stating that a women's place is not just "in the nursery" but "in the library, the laboratory, the observatory."⁶

Eliza R. Snow threw in her two cents also by saying the following quote:

"Is it necessary for sisters to be set apart to officiate in the sacred ordinances of washing, anointing, and laying on of hands in administering to the sick? It certainly is not. Any and all sisters who honor their holy endowments, not only have right, but should feel it a duty, whenever called upon to administer to our sisters in these ordinances, which God has graciously committed to His daughters as well as to His sons; and we testify that when administered and received in faith and humility they are accompanied with almighty power."

After looking Eliza R. Snow up on Wikipedia, I found a link to one of her poems that I found to be quite touching. Here are a few stanzas (emphasis added):⁷

Though deepening trials throng your way,
Press on, press on, ye Saints of God!
Ere long the resurrection day
Will spread its light and truth abroad. 

Lift up your hearts in praise to God;
Let your rejoicings never cease;
Though tribulations rage abroad,
Christ says, "In me ye shall have peace."  

What though our rights have been assailed?
What though by foes we've been despoiled?
Jehovah's promise has not failed;
Jehovah's purpose is not foiled. 

Though Satan rage, 'tis all in vain;
The words the ancient Prophet spoke,
Sure as the throne of God remain;
Nor man nor devils can revoke. 

My last quote is perhaps my most favorite that I've found while researching this post. Emmeline B. Wells' words will continue to strongly echo in my mind. She put perfectly the struggle for self between the women of the church and the church's leaders. The same was true back then in the 1800s and it is still true today:

"Let woman speak for herself; she has the right of freedom of speech. Women are too slow in moving forward, afraid of criticism, of being called unwomanly, of being thought masculine. What of it? If men are so much superior to women, the nearer we come up to the manly standard the higher we elevate ourselves."

 Truth is always what we seem to seek for. We seek for truth in our everyday lives, in our work, in our schooling, and in our relationships with others. You know that old saying, "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free"? Eliza R. Snow had that down perfectly. She knew that we probably wouldn't gain all of the answers we wanted in this lifetime, but there is surely another to come." In her poem, she says "Ere long the resurrection day, Will spread its light and truth abroad." And again, the line from "O My Father: "Truth is reason, truth eternal, tells me I've a mother there."

There is no end to virtue;

There is no end to might;

There is no end to wisdom;

There is no end to light.

There is no end to union;

There is no end to youth;

There is no end to priesthood;

There is no end to truth.

 -Hymn 284, "If You Could Hie To Kolob" by William W. Phelps

Also, here is a GREAT piano arrangement of "O My Father" that I found on YouTube⁸  by Lacie Kirk... I really wanna learn it now :)

Sources:

1. Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia,"Eliza R. Snow" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eliza_R._Snow)
2. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, "The Origin of Man" (http://www.lds.org/ensign/2002/02/the-origin-of-man)
3. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" (https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation)
4.  Brigham Young University Mormon Publications: 19th and 20th Centuries, The Seer by Orson Pratt (http://contentdm.lib.byu.edu/cdm/ref/collection/NCMP1820-1846/id/18108)
5. Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, LDS Church, 1997, p. 135
6. Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia, "Women and Mormonism" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_and_Mormonism)
7. Brigham Young University Mormon Literature Website, "Be Not Discouraged ('Though Deepening Trials')" (http://mldb.byu.edu/ersnow3.htm)
8. YouTube, "O, My Father" - by Lacie Kirk (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibfgoHw0sXA, website: http://www.laciekirk.com/#!music/cg9c)


 Btw, you may not consider Wikipedia a source, but I do ;)