Faces of Courage: Girls of the LDS Church and Malala Yousafzai

Sorry, it's been so busy lately with school and such that I haven't posted foreeeeever. But the upside is, I still have a 4.0 for this year (which is a miracle, even though school's only been on for a month and a half). But I've definitely been hanging around the Feminist Mormon Housewife's website lately because of *drumroll please* General Conference and the OW Movement, and I've been pretty active in the comments section...

Anyways. I think that some of the talks so far are so good that there's good possibility that there will be some posts from here about them, like President Uchtdorf's talk in the first session, and Elder Holland's talk in the second session. But a few of the talks made... a few emotions flare, not only from me but countless others as well. Elder Christofferson's talk irked a few people, but then today Elder Oak's talk just about did a bunch of people in. Including me. **Note: I haven't exactly been paying the closest attention to conference this year, but it's been on in the background and I'm catching all of the highlights from fMh's live blogging and re-caps.

Here's "Thunderchicken's" recap of Elder Oak's talk: [my emphasis added]

• Elder Oaks speaking: Loves to hear his brother and sisters speak (thanks). Ten commandments important for Christians and Jews. First commandment deals with what our priorities should be – no graven images and no idols and all. Jealous means “sensitive/deep feelings” – so we offend God when we have priorities above God ie. career aspirations, political correctness, material possessions, power, prestige, and some I missed.
• What is our ultimate priority? Are we focused on following the Savior? For Mormons commandments are inseparable from Plan of Salvation. If we do not establish our priorities in accordance with that plan, we’re in danger of serving other Gods. We’re a family centered Church. Our theology begins with Heavenly PARENTS. A man and woman necessary for fulfillment of plan.
• We grieve at declining birth rates in Christian/Jewish countries. US has low birth rate/decline in birth rates. Median age for marriage is now at highest in history (26 years for women). Traditional family is coming to be the exception rather than rule. Pursuit of career instead of family is increasing goal, and necessity of fathers is diminishing. Concerning trends. Plan of Salvation for ALL children.
• We still respect all those who do not believe as we do, or don’t believe at all. All sexual relations are sinful to one degree or another outside of a married relationship between a man and woman. Many Churches agree with us on the importance of the sacredness of marriage. Concerned with all the many children born outside of marriage, and couples who lives together unmarried. Now cohabitation exceeds 60 percent of marriages. 50 percent of teenagers thought that out-of-wedlock children are a worthy life style.
• We cannot justify laws or condone laws that support stuff like gay marriage (sorry, totally paraphrasing – kids climbing over me).  Laws legalizing same-gender marriage to not change God’s laws. We remain under covenant to obey God’s commandments, and not serve other Gods, even if they become popular in our time. We may be accused of bigotry or suffer discrimination. If so, we need to remember our first priority to serve God. (DOES THIS TALK NOT END????)
• A moral coward is one who is afraid to stand up for something because of what others will think (or something like that????). We must not set our hearts on the things of the world/honors of men that we forget our destiny. We have a responsibility to never deviate from our desire to achieve eternal life, to have no other God and serve no other priorities before God.

Okay, so one thing I heard that Thunderchicken didn't really dwell on is how apparently the average age for marriage in women is 26, or 26 and a half or something like that, and the average age for marriage in men is 29 or something like that. When Elder Oaks said that, my parents gasped and went something along the lines of "Wow!" and "Oh man!" with disapproval in their voices. They thought that was a pretty big deal. Me? Not so much. But that's where the generation and age difference comes in.

My parents probably wouldn't appreciate me putting this here, but my mom is 53 years old and my dad just turned 61. Back when they were raised, the 1950s, 60s, and 70s, women and girls didn't really have much of a choice with their life besides getting married, having kids, and staying at home to take care of them. You remember the image of the typical 1950s housewife?

That's what they (especially my dad) was raised with. Plus, add on the fact that my paternal grandparents never graduated from high school and got married at sixteen... That's why those statistics were so shocking to them. While they were busy hemming and hawing about it, I didn't see anything wrong with those numbers. In fact, I would be perfectly fine getting married at 26.

Then Elder Oaks started going on about not delaying having children because of college or career goals. Wait a second... funny thing, I think that being pregnant and having children affects the wife more than the husband in that department. And it's difficult to go to college with a baby or little children on hand. So this is probably why traditionally the breadwinning is up to the husband. Which leads me to the fact that I believe we're cheating children out of their dreams.

Kids get asked all the time what they want to be when they grow up. A doctor, a firefighter, a policeman, a nurse, an engineer, a scientist, a builder. We smile and nod as they say it, whether it
be a male child or a female child. But little do they know that sometimes it's not that simple. Girls and boys know how to answer the question what they want to be when they grow up, but as girls get older they get bombarded with the expectations that they are going to get married. And have kids. And be the perfect stay at home wife and mother. Then the boys, they have hardly any restrictions when it comes to the career department. Get married, make sure that you have children, be a worthy Priesthood holder, and go to work and make a living. So why do we implant these false hopes and dreams in little girls when we ask them what the want to be when they grow up? Because we all know that they can go to college and get a degree and a good job, but that's not hardly expected of them. My mom didn't even go to college, and only had to get some kind of higher education when she had to become a CNA after her divorce to her first husband. She never even had to worry about going to college when she was married. And now she spends her days "busy" being the YW prez and cooking and cleaning and crocheting and running errands. This may be perfectly fine with some people, but not for me. I don't want to be that kind of wife. I want to get out and have a job, not just sit around the house all day. It may seem like freedom, but in the long run it may seem like a weight tied to your ankle.

Which brings me to a reply to one of my comments on the fMh live-blogging post of Sunday morning General Conference.

This is what I'm talking about. It's not like we're completely banned from getting an education and going to college, but obviously if we're going to stay at home and have kids (unless we get divorced or widowed) what's the point in going more in depth when it comes to schooling and education?

Elder Oaks is a great guy, and an amazing apostle. He really is. But he doesn't know me personally, or know my plans or dreams, or know my situation. The only thing he knows about me is that I am of the female gender. The reality is, not all women end up getting married. Not all women can have children. Everyone's situation is different. So please, General Authorities of the LDS church, please stop emphasizing the need to get married earlier, not delay in having children, and how women should stay at home to raise their children.

"Adam fell that men might be; and men are that they might have joy." If we are to have joy in our lives, then we need to stop doing things just to please other people or be "in the norm", or rise up to the expectations of others. We need to do what we feel is best for us individually, not what is expected of you because you are a female. I don't want to make the mistake of doing something that I felt pressured into that will eventually make me feel like I'm dying inside. I want to be happy, and if I follow the commandments and live my life the way *I* plan it to be, I will be happy.

And here's to Malala, who is trying to make education available to girls everywhere no matter what. She is an inspiration to me, and I think that if a girl who was shot in the head by the Taliban for going to school can make such an impact on the world and keep going, I can go to college and have a career and make all the life decisions that I want even with resistance and cultural restrictions.

 This morning I cut out the cover and article on Malala and put it on my wall. Only after I taped it up there, I noticed that I put it under this quote, one of the many I have on the walls of my room. Coincidence? I think not.

Picking Apart YW Lesson, "Attitudes About Our Divine Roles"

Sooo, I was looking on Sugardoodle to find some cute little handouts to maybe print and put with the cute little rocks that I made, and I stumbled across this cute little lesson that was in one of the old YW lesson manuals they had before updating them this year.

(I think they got rid of these lesson manuals because girls like me were tired of being told our lives had to revolve around cooking, cleaning, and makin' babies by a bunch of older people of the male gender, but still! They only got rid of them last year... And I remember these lessons, all right.)

Lesson 8: Attitudes about Our Divine Roles

  Ooh hoo. Let's see how my attitude's gonna look when I'm finished with this. 

 http://www.lds.org/manual/young-women-manual-1/lesson-8-attitudes-about-our-divine-roles?lang=eng

 

"Point out that we can have positive or negative attitudes about our divine roles of wife and mother. Some look at these roles as being demeaning and full of drudgery, but our roles are actually a part of a solemn promise that we made before we came to earth. They are part of the blessings that come to us as daughters of God."

 Oh please. Go on.

“We committed ourselves to our Heavenly Father, that if He would send us to the earth and give us bodies and give to us the priceless opportunities that earth life afforded, we would keep our lives clean and would marry in the holy temple and would rear a family and teach them righteousness. This was a solemn oath, a solemn promise” (“Be Ye Therefore Perfect,” address given at the Salt Lake Institute of Religion, 10 Jan. 1975, p. 2).

What roles did we promise to Heavenly Father that we would accept before we came to earth? (We would marry and have a family.)"

So, in other words, I "promised" I would get married? I made an "oath"? I'm not liking how this is panning out.

 "Point out that the worldly view of women’s roles is false partly because it is selfcentered. It focuses so much on a woman’s rights to receive that it almost ignores her opportunities to give. The Lord’s view is a broader one. It focuses on the opportunities of both men and women to love and serve. This view can help us avoid being caught up in selfishness and unhappiness."

So if I wanted to go to school and have a career and stick my kids in daycare while I work, that would be considered "SELFISH"? I would be "SELF-CENTERED"? And who says I can't find opportunities to "give" if I decided to have a career? I'm not even sure what that's supposed to mean in this context, or how it has anything to do with working. We can't all be sitting at home all day making cookies to give to our neighbors all the time.

 Explain that if we believe that life as a wife and mother is routine and boring, it will be. But if we can understand our divine purposes and realize the great potential we have, our role will take on greater meaning than any other task in this world. By cheerfully and enthusiastically supporting our husbands and by bearing, nurturing, and teaching righteous spirits, we can experience the greatest fulfillment."

 So by changing my attitude, I can psych myself out of thinking that cooking all the time and changing diapers can be fun? Okay, I'm really sorry. I'm using WAY too much sarcasm for this. And I know that being a mom can be really awesome and fun, but still. It's kind of hard to change pre-concieved notions by "trying to change your attitude". Does the church offer cognitive behavioral therapy, too?

Okay, the way the last sentence is worded... You can't experience the greatest fulfillment by doing other things, too? Only by having kids, taking care of kids, and teaching them? I'm not saying that's a bad thing, and I'm not saying that you can't get any fulfillment from doing that but still... And I definitely agree with the part of supporting your husband, but that's funny. It doesn't say anything about him supporting you. Now, I KNOW that I'm just being picky with the wording, but that would be nice if the put a little bit of the "equal perspective" in it.

"How can the teachings of the Lord and his servants about our roles help protect us from the dangers of adoption worldly attitudes?" 

 Again. Please see one of the paragraphs above stating why I definitely do not believe that the so-called "world's role" is self-centered and selfish. And OH MY GOSH. I don't think I'm being protected from the "dangers" of believing that it's okay to work and not be a mom. Apparently the teachings of a bunch of older, male individuals telling me how to live my life as a female haven't been sticking in my mindset quite that well.

"A woman should never minimize the tremendous power of being a comfort and help to her husband. He may have need to be comforted and encouraged to perform his roles as husband, provider, leader, or teacher."

That's great, but WHAT ABOUT US? And they're automatically assuming he's the provider. And if I'm reading that in the right context, the leader. Of the family........

“Young women should plan and prepare for marriage and the bearing and rearing of children. It is your divine right and the avenue to the greatest and most supreme happiness” (“Privileges and Responsibilities of Sisters,” Ensign, Nov. 1978, p. 103).

Okay. Prepare for marriage? How, pray tell? Dating? Please be specific. Preparing for "rearing" (who even uses that word anymore?), probably babysitting or changing diapers or something. And prepare for bearing children??? Not exactly sure how you would do that, either. Okay, I was going to say something else, but my [mostly seemingly broken] filter in my brain was setting off its alarm. Aaaanyways, moving on. Having and raising kids is the only way to the greatest and most supreme happiness? Oookay, I'm the kind of person who would definitely want to get married and have kids someday, but what about those who just don't see that as an option? They won't be able to experience their own kind of the greatest joy and happiness? *sigh*.

Bobby McFerrin is singing in my head right now, "Don't worry, be happy!" I think we should all follow his advice, no matter what kind of life we lead, no matter if we have kids or not, no matter if we're married or not.